The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
