Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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