so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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