Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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