All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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