dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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