I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
