You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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