The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
