you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
