her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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