Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
