Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
