dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
