i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
