We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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