She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
