My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
