I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
