thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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