i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
