ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
