Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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