Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
