Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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