one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
