And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
