oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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