I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
