Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
