I would go down on you faster than GM stock
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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