Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
