By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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