In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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