he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
