He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
