just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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