I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What a dumb baby whore.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize