Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The uberlube is also flammable
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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