So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
