I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
