i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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