I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
