There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
