Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
