Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
