Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
