kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
