cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
