It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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