I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
