then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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