Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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