oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
