I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
