Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
