he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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