college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
