I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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