I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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