dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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