Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
