hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
