do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
