Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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