Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
