Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
