either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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